Confused

So much for the whole positive idea. But whatever. Poetry shoulnd’t be fake. *shrugs* Don’t worry, it’s not that bad : P And it doesnt have a title yet either. So for now it’s called Confused

Confused

I’ve been trying to hold my breath
To keep it from escape
I’ve been burying it deeper
But I keep seeing shadows as its face

Going to pull it out onto paper
Watch it collapse into a staining, black pulp
So I can untie the knots,
Rebraid it,
Organize it
And then dump more on top

Merely a deranged artist
Throwing colours out
Creating,
Recreating
What she feels she felt

I don’t know which star is mine anymore
I don’t remember the wish
Don’t even know which way is up
I barely know my name, luv

You’re always turning my world wrong side up
I don’t know what to do
My mind keep snagging on nonsense
Then wanders back to you

Your hands as you softly
Pull up my chin to kiss me
Your arms as you hold me safe
Till I smile, melt and fall asleep

The way you gently undo the stitches
I’ve been sewing at for years
The way you hold me when it’s killing me
And make me face the world through my tears

But the thing is…
I don’t know what I’m feeling
I’ve lost touch for too long
And I don’t want you to be the one under fire
When I was the one to plant the bomb

I need to be sure
So sure…
I just don’t want to be in love
With being in love
I want to be in love
With you

Hey all. This isn’t a poem, just a general knowledge post. Just to let ya’ll know… I’ve decided to set my sights on less depressing poetry. Since it is getting a tad.. I dunno. Not old, but not helping either. So whatever. Nothing yet, but in future I’ll hopefully have something unmorbid for you : P

Please

Okay, I discovered this one lying around on my desk with the rest of my poems and books and CD’s. It’s kinda short and I’d like to do some serious editing to it at some stage, but here it is for now:

Please

Please
Grafitti your thoughts
All over the city
Carve your name
On every pole and post,
Nook and cranny

Break down my meticulous walls
I need to see what’s outside
Help me repair the splintered door
So I can invite ohers inside

Peel off the callus around my heart
So I’ll know how to love again
Please scrub my mind and drain the murk
So it’ll plug the filth flowing from my pen.

Give me back my voice
Please, I need to sing again
And pull the blindfold from my eyes
I can feel life beckoning

Haiku About Your Heartbeat

Call me a total idiot if you like. Right now my mood is too good for me to care : P It might not last though. You have been warned. But whatever.  It’s a haiku. Because when my mood is as good as it is now, I can’t even think of words. *grins*

Not real poetry
But I just couldn’t resist:
I love your heartbeat

And yes, there is a reason that I am writing about heartbeats all of a sudden. Take a wild guess : P

Narcotic Flood

Yup. So I added a ‘recent posts’ widget just for the sake of doing so. Since I had nothing better to do. And here is what I wrote today… Was feeling pretty down (the way I seem to be feeling quite often lately) and this image just popped into my head.

Narcotic Flood

Being swept away
In a flood of narcotic water
Clutching wildly
At the drifting debris
Crying, praying
That something might hold steady

My hands find a pole
That seems to withstand the rush
I know my life hangs in the balance,
But I’m tired and
I no longer feel what I touch

Bloodied palms and fingers
From holding on so tight
The current entices
I close my eyes
“You’re not getting to me tonight”

But I’m shivering
The pole’s snapping
And I’m slipping
Slipping
Slipping away

Heartbeat

Okay, I generally stay quite far away from anything resembling love poetry. Not because I dislike it, but because I am too paranoid that I might start writing cheese. I usually write more about feelings, depression, storms, etc. Here is quite an interesting mix of both, I think. Hope you enjoy. The last couple of stanzas are pretty weird, if you don’t get it, try reading it out loud and using the ‘beat’ as a metronome around which the rest of the words are grouped.

Heartbeat

I want to sit by my window
And watch the drowning rain
Want to swim in a frigid sky
And touch a frozen flame
I want to write a song of silence
And hear a mute world shriek
I want to feel your heart beat
I want to feel your heartbeat

I want to lose myself in something
Until someone pulls me out
Want to ride lightning, turn up the thunder
And sprinkle ink over the clouds
I want to kiss the restless wind
And feel its frosted heat
I want to feel your heart beat
I want to feel your heartbeat

I want to feel the rhythm of people
The hot breaths of lives steaming up the glass
I want to be alive with exhilaration
Want to live for tonight and forget the past
I want to drink the moonlight
Want to taste the air I breathe
And I need to feel your heartbeat
I need to feel your heartbeat

-Beat- you’ve taken
A-Beat-part my heart
And -Beat- put it back
To-Beat-gether again

-Beat- you’ve woken
Up -Beat- all my dreams
And -Beat- gave me reason
To -Beat- care again

You -Beat- saw through
My -Beat- little charade
And I -Beat- need your arms
To be -Beat- ’round me

I need to feel the beat of your heart
I need to feel your heart beat
I need to feel the beat of your heart
And I need to feel your heartbeat

Hooked on Hope

Yeah well. This one strikes really close to home. *sighs* Yup. Real close.

Hooked on Hope

Can’t find enough
For the next escape
Can’t cut enough
To just stop the pain

Can’t pretend enough
To make it real
Been puttin’ plasters
(But like broken dancers)
Ignoring just won’t heal

When things got hotter
I used to smile a little wider
Laugh a little louder
Play a little more
Pretend a little harder

But it didn’t go away
Still here
Still haunting
Still hurting
It stays

Used to believe it was all good
Pffft
Just advanced doublethink
Truthfully lying
Happily crying
Innocently killing
Myself bit by bit

Need to break this addiction to
Not thinking
Not feeling
Not seeing
Not caring

I need to get myself
Hooked on hope
That’s all that’ll keep me here
But for now
It’s gameover
Stop the charades
Even if it kills me:
Let reality begin.

Waterlogged

Okay. I confess. I have had this poem for a week or so now and still haven’t put it up here. The thing is, it’s supposed to end on a hopeful note, but for the life of me I just haven’t seemed able to do hopeful until a few moments ago. lol. So here it is.

Waterlogged

Miraged rain
Sitting
Sweltering
On sand of shed snakeskin
Fever of emotions
Taunting and
Breeding and
Coursing through
Throbbing veins.
Headache and
Swollen eyes
Would cry more
But no tears left
Miraged rain

Pouring rain
Soothing
Shushing
Sweet voice of rain
Roll
With reckless abandon
Through the
Barbs of truth
Shards of lies
Mud of past
Puddles of cries
Can’t be bothered with pain
Given up trying to quench it
Solve it
Get rid of it
Pouring rain

Drumming rain
Washing away
Debris of feeling
Body caked
With throwaway
Crusting
Weighed down
Hardening cement statue
On a soaked cement slab
Blessed oblivion
Wish it lasts
Hope it does
Drumming rain

Betraying rain
Once gentle
Now acid
Eating through
Precious few
Millimeters of callus
Stealing bricks
Of ageless walls
Left cold
Naked
Vulnerable
Abandoned foetus
On an island in a marsh of ridcule
Betrying rain

Pensive rain
Eyes closed
Jaw clenched
In apprehension of what may come
Wading
Slushing
Through
Puked thoughts and scar tissue
Emotions hang by a single root
En masse with death and
Decay
It twitches
A simple message
“Want to feel”
Pensive rain

Freeing rain
Gentle
Cool
Drizzling dancing drops
Filling yet
Draining
My waterlogged mind
Fire with fire and
Water with water
Slowly
Softly
Evaporating the walls ,
The decay,
The pain
Freeing rain

For Sale

For Sale

Shackled
With my own lies
Captive
By my own thoughts
I’m pushed
Onto the rotting platform
Of this human slaughterhouse

Spiteburns
Around my wrists
Slave plaque
Around my neck
I barely lift my head
As someone slaps me in the mouth

Tasting
My lip’s blood
Smelling
My own fear
The place grows silent
Knives clang
The auction begins

Bidders -
Two
My life at public bidding;
My fate
At only
The price
Of
Blood

One will tap mine
To pay off his
Pleasure debts
The other puts
His hand
On the table
…
The hammer comes down
The knife stabs through
Red mixes with mud

Numb Again

No, this is not a love poem or a broken heart poem. It’s to a friend. And people. And life in general.

Numb Again

I lifted the eyes
I keep riveted to the floor
I opened the smile
I bolted to my core

I handed you the heart
I store secretly under my bed
I told you the sentence
I keep chained up in my head

You asked me to trust you
You promised to stay
You always had just the right touch

You told me you’d be there
Day in and day out
That you’d be my pill, my drug, my crutch

I gave you a finger
You grabbed for a hand
I struggled to my knees for you
You demanded I stand

My eyes you seared
My smile you clipped
My heart you crushed
My words you let slip

So I’ll turn the knobs and flick the switches
I’ll Ctr + Alt + Delete
Into Hibernate

I’ll cut off the emotions
Go back to numb default
Where I should have stayed
In the first place

I’ll lower my blinded eyes
I still rivet to the floor
I’ll slam shut my wingless smile
I still chain to my core

I’ll scrape up my blob of heart
I still store boxed under my bed
I’ll write down the forgotten sentence
I still chain up in my head.